Living in hell

I have come to the conclusion that living with a husband with schizophrenia is not good for your health. I am really not very well at the moment but have to cover it up for the sake of the family and friends. I am in bed right now crying and have an anxiety attack,I seem to be stuck on this bed and can’t move,even though I am thirsty and want a cup of coffee. Yesterday my husband had one of his talks to me,saying he feels better and that he wanted to go to the cinema with me. Me being me said the truth saying I did not think a could go with him as I we would walk there and a back in silence. I did not tell him the truth that I can’t go out to most place without panicking and even being sick. So now he hates me even more. I hate life most of the time. The only thing this year I loved was going to see Les Miserables with my Daughter and best Friend. It was great as my friend knows London so after the show took as to a ‘Gay bar’, it was his birthday so he got a little drunk but was so funny with it.
That’s it though most of the time I feel depressed,tired and sick. I can’t do anything about it as I don’t want to rely on medicine so I will just plod on smiling when smiled at. Laughing with needed, and pretending to be happy, after all I am use to it by now.

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