Lying here in my bed and thinking God another day to go through why what’s the point. Christmas is nearly here but I don’t feel a thing. It is just another day just more eating and drinking and oh yeah those five minutes of present sharing. I want to feel happy but that does not happen, people who know me think that just because I smile,laugh and joke I am, but deep down I am not. As all of it has been sapped out of me by another. It’s really not his fault but mine for thinking that I could change him. Everyday feels like forever. One person has come into my life as a friend and mentor,he is helping with my family by just being him. A kind,loving,unselfish man who does not think he so great,who say with a shrug”I am just Me”. I guess I should get up now and go through the day. Today I will try and find one positive thing to smile about.