Dammed if I stay, dammed if I go

My life is so fucking sad. I am married to a man who only thinks of himself and tries his hardest to bring everyone down to his thoughts and feels. I have not broken yet but am coming near to it. I am stuck in a rut that I can’t get out. Too scared to walk as I been worn down to think that I am to useless to live on my own. Friends at work tell me all the time get out before you too old to care and stay with him with no care for yourself. But it is hard to go out in that big wide world, yes I would be rid of this life but also I would be alone. I know it does not make sense but I dammed if I stay and damned if I go. I wake up every morning with a heavy heart and a feeling of dread of another day ahead. Will it be a good day or bad and it is usually bad. I would have long ago given up on life and the only thing that make me happy,smile and laugh is my beautiful Meg. But she is grown up and one day will want to fly and then life will be so much like living in hell. I want to be the happy person that I once knew in the dim and distance past. Finishing now crying on the inside but always laughing on the outside.

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